What is it all about?

As long as I can think back, if someone was asking me about my goal in life, I would mention that finding true love is the main purpose of my life.

This is how I always felt. This is what I always was longing for. When thinking about the purpose of me being here in this world and where I am heading to … it always was: finding true love!

Well, later I figured out that I am not alone with that. I guess in one way or another that´s the goal for all mankind.

My best role models were my parents. I believe my parents were truly in love with each other. Though I don’t have a clue if they also had bad times or if they perhaps were on the edge of giving up on each other somewhere along their path.

I don’t have memories of them fighting. I don´t have memories of them even raising their voices or treating each other wrong. They sure did have a fight from time to time. Wouldn’t be natural if they never fought with each other …

Unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to experience how they treated each other when something was not right. My memories of them “together” stopped when I was about 12 years old. Then my mother got sick and disappeared in front of his and our eyes.

But that also was my best opportunity to experience what true AND selfless love looks like! My wonderful father was my role model for that.

How he took care of my mother – mostly all by himself! How he patiently fed her, made sure she had everything she needed! How he tried to make her comfortable!

It must have killed him to see the woman he loves vanish in front of his very eyes. I just can imagine how heartbreaking it must be to sleep next to your wife without her being there anymore. It must have been devastating to still sense the woman he loves in a very sick body!

If that is not the best role model for selfless and true love … what else??

Starting my own experiences … I must say … I didn’t do so well. Me, the naïve, highly sensitive young girl, who didn’t know anything about life, went out and were seeking for a person to be loved by …

Without going into details at all – I failed several times! Mainly because I was so insecure about myself.

Also without going into details – for the next decades I found out what true love is NOT!

And here I am today. Wounded and broken before, on my way to heal now.

Healing particularly because I learned to love myself. No, that’s not right. I was taught to love myself by some amazing people who stepped into my life sent by universe to show me in a way I would be able to understand!  

It feels like I´ve struggled a lot, I fell down and I hurt myself more than once, but I got up again and I didn’t give up … and when I´ve learned the most important lessons, of how it not should be, the right people came along. I am still learning my lessons. There still is so much more to learn about myself and about life! But nowadays my lessons are gentle and so much fun!

Right now there are some very interesting things going on in my life. I am not able to list all those amazing facts which make me feel whole and comfort at the moment. That’s another story for another time …

But it feels like finally everything is shifting into place and finally everything starts to make sense … !! I start having a clear picture of how it is supposed to be.

So a couple of days ago there was this question popping up in my mind:

“What is true love?”

No, I mean it. Really! What IS true love? How does true love feel? What makes love a true one? And the main question: what is the difference between liking someone and loving someone? Where does liking stop and love begin?

I am confused because a highly sensitive person feels unfiltered. Which means, when I like something or someone I do it 100%. For me it´s hard to “feel in shades”. When I open up to someone, I do it completely and right away! I can´t hold back, I can´t control my feelings to a reasonable measure. I am feeling ... unfiltered.

Now, there is the question: When do I like someone with all my heart and when is it love, true love even? How would I recognize the difference?

Well, after mulling these questions over in my head again and again, I did find out that obviously I haven´t experienced true love before. That was shocking in the first place. I thought I´ve been around that corner before.

The second thought was – if I was misreading those feelings in the past how damn curious am I to feel the real ones!! Those misread feelings didn’t feel bad in a certain way and at a certain point … so how much better will true love feel!!

I am excited to find out … one day!

The third thought was a logical one: I didn´t love myself for a very long time and I just started to love myself a little while ago. True love would not have been possible without loving myself in the first place! So now, that I started to love myself, is it possible to find true love now??  

I have to say that´s is the most exciting thought … !!

Already I found some important answers:

True love is ALWAYS a selfless love!

and

(that answer appeared in the middle of last night out of nowhere. It felt so right that I even had to get up and write it down because I was afraid to forget it till morning):

When my own thoughts, my own feelings and my own actions are devoted to the wellbeing and the happiness of another person – without denying myself, without expectations in return … and when those thoughts, feelings and actions appear to be the absolute and most perfect thing in my life … then it´s true love!

And after that there was another strong thought:

True love is when you never feel lonely, even when you are alone for a while!

Am I right so far?